Odd Quotes

Family

Dashboard message appears 'Offside brake light malfunction'
My passenger questions if it is at the front or back

Dad phones up

Dad - I've seen a great new printer in Morrisons, and they tell me it's got a radio built in.
Me - A printer with a radio? Are you sure?
Dad - The salesman said it had wireless capability

At work

SW - I went out with an ox once.

AS - I always set my watch ten minutes fast. I would rather be late than early

AN talking about her partner and his contribution to the smooth running of the household

AN - You don't keep a dog if you can bark yourself

DW – What’s Ben’s surname in IT?
Me – Nevis
DW – Thanks

Debbie Warburton – There used to be someone in my old office called Debbie Warburton
Me - That's strange. There is also someone in this office called Debbie Warburton

SW – The patient is going to have a transsexual examination

SW was discussing a patient who had undergone a flexible sigmoidoscopy examination, or a flexi sig.

SW – The patient has had a sexy flig

We were discussing the progress of a violent USA hurricane

Me – It is due to hit the coast at 1pm local time
DW – What, our local time or their local time?

I was requesting some patient details I required with probably the most stunning of our information analysts. After going through the list of diagnosis, age and other demographics, I had a last minute thought

Me – Oh, and can we have sex?
JB – Yes, but it will cost you an Eccles cake

DW – I’m going to have highlighted lowlights in my hair

DW – All of us slept like logs last night
CJ – What, you woke up in the fireplace?

After the morning of the great hurricane in 1987, I ventured into Canterbury with a small group of colleagues to survey the damage. A park was covered in a deep bed of leaves.

KD - I wonder where they came from?

SW - The only thing I had on this morning was Christmas Lights

Out and about

GN gets a tray of drinks knocked over by an unknown female student in the crowded back bar of the City Arms

GN - You stupid f***ing, freckle faced, f***ing cow!

MW, drunken Irishman recounting his war years in the Bell & Crown

MW - You know, they shot every living thing in that field, even the haystacks

AB and FM in conversation about AB's daughter's job

AB - She was a hospital administrator, but then she went to university
FM - What does she do now, then?
AB - Oh, she is still a hospital administrator

When finally arrested after crashing his car, GP was asked what had happened.

GP, as reported by the Kentish Gazette, famously replied That's your job to find out.

RM was stopped in Forty Acres Road for exceeding the regulation pace

Policeman - Do you realise you were doing 39mph in a 30mph limit?
RM - You're lucky, I normally do 50 along here

Walking back from Kent University after a stunning John Hiseman concert

IG - I'd give my right arm to play drums like him